I would like to ask for your vote as I run for President of this Fair Land.

I believe in our most core values.

And I too have been known for making unwanted advances on beautiful women.

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I also have been victimized by the rigged and corrupt legal system.

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In the past I have associated with cruel and malicious despots.

And yet I get along famously with the common man.

I am firmly grounded in reality.

And I am well read.

I have a sound platform founded in consistent and thoughtful policy.

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I am not opposed to the right kind of Muslims.

And most importantly, I have always stood by Native Americans.

May we all join hands together in our journey to make this Land great again.

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