Daily Archives: May 3, 2011

Best Friends

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Morning coffee and croissant off of Grant street. The city awakening. I’m feeling sad, though. Sad at excess. A little sad at wherever I am in my life.

I look down at the pavement. And I think of the guy.
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Last month my friend Patrick was walking to work in San Francisco and he passed some commotion and an area cordoned off with police tape. A little bit earlier a guy had jumped from a building and his body was lying on the pavement.

He had committed the irrevocable act.

He had arrived at a moment where he felt sad / devalued / alone / ill – enough so that he no longer wanted to be alive.

Since arriving in San Francisco I’ve considered him most days. I never knew him. But by killing himself he’s given me a costly gift. Even worse, it probably pales to what he gave the world when he was alive.

What would he think to know that after his death, a complete stranger would continue to carry his shadow forward into life? And by implication, what of me is carried by him?

Sometimes we can count even a stranger as a friend.

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San Francisco Spring

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Union Square, San Francisco

Yesterday I had my string of checkup appointments marking the two year anniversary of my initial diagnosis and recommendation.

Rounds of hugs with the receptionists as I checked in with each doctor.  Diane and Misty and Rosa have become good friends and shepherds along the way.  And embraces with my docs as well.  Dr. Eisele and Quivey and Orloff are as wonderful people as you will ever find.

And it all checked out.  The incision has healed wonderfully.  The remaining salivary glands are intact.  There’s nothing funny growing in there.  I should be cleaning my teeth more frequently.  I’ll start as soon as I get home.

So now, in whatever way, it’s time to say goodbye to it.  I still have my appointments every year or so.  Some regular imaging.  But for now I can let go of that part of my life.

It makes me a little sad.  Dr. Quivey is retiring in July.  And my trips to San Francisco have been a staple for two years.  It feels a little like graduating college or leaving home.

It should be a wonderful San Francisco morning and I hope to enjoy it as such.  And then get the hell out of here.

I won’t miss the experience.  Only some of what it summons.

Butchers

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I’m sorry.  I just have to say it.

The taking of any life should not be cause to gloat.

The headline of the Chron yesterday read:  “The Butcher of 9/11 Dead.”  But what made him a butcher and us any less so?

Was it that he launched an attack against the US? He essentially was a military commander using the means available to him to achieve his military and political ends. By that measure, we are butchers.

Was it that the attack was launched at a civilian target?  In our retaliations in the Middle East, since 9/11 we have taken far more civilian lives.  We call this “collateral damage.” But by the same measure, we are butchers.

Perhaps the taking of human life amounts to butchery only when it happens to us.  That makes us narcissists.

This may be a defining moment in Obama’s presidency.  But I would hope not.  There are better things to be remembered for.  It was a necessary moment.  But not a proud one.

bin Laden’s death may diminish the chance of future attacks.  But probably not.  It certainly won’t bring back all those we’ve already lost.

Lets model good behavior and not the behavior of those we vilify.

Let it rest.